I think that human beings are amazing. Love is an honour, an opportunity, and a fragile process in which there is no room for shame or hatred, or for someone else doubting the validity of your personal experience based on a title.
And I don’t want the world to see me ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand.
When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.
-Goo Goo Dolls: Iris
*sigh* I feel as though no one in this big, beautiful and amazing world understands me. And so I can never just say what I really want to and need to say. I just have to keep it all in until somebody who can understand me the way I need, happens to come along.
I’ve been able to delude myself into thinking that my indecisiveness is just a part of my character; a part of my personality. But I know deep down that it’s really just a way of avoiding the time when I will have to make a decision- a time where there will only be certainty, there will only be truth and clarity, when I won’t be able to hide behind anything any longer. It is these times of naked truth and clarity I try to avoid. As, without the façade of uncertainty I am just laid bare to the world and the world will either have to accept me or reject me as I truly am. I don’t know who I am myself. Being laid bare in all honesty and truth to another human being let alone the rest of the world… Frankly, scares the shit out of me.
“What is it about the moment you fall in love? How can such a small measure of time contain such enormity? I suddenly realize why people believe in déjà vu, why people believe they’ve lived past lives, because there is no way the years I’ve spent on this earth could possibly encapsulate what I’m feeling. The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations—all of them rearranging themselves so that this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.”
— David Levithan, Everyday
And he stood there, contemplating how it was that he could feel so happy, yet so sad to be alive. He drew his palm up and placed it over his heart, and with his eyes closed, he wondered with awe how it could be that as powerful an organ as this; the organ that provides life, could be outwitted by life- something that is only in existence due to the existence of the heart. How could it possibly be?
Fran wondered about how it was that the birds knew when to sing- how was it they knew that there was a lonely person somewhere, needing to be reminded about the beauty of life. How was it possible?
How was it possible to feel love as strongly as one does when they find the person whose mere existence is enough for them? How is it that humans… mankind… can feel love; is it not an emotion? Is it not just physical entities to which we ascribe the senses to? Or is it just that love has the power to go beyond the meta-physical? Said the poet. Said the scientist. Said the astronaut.
Too many thoughts and no sense of release.